The belt

Image

Yesterday was a normal day for me and my kids. I got groceries and did some stuff around the house, they played, and we made and ate dinner together. Oh, wait. Never mind. It wasn’t a normal day! I NEVER cook dinner, and when I do, they sure don’t help me! So, it was a great day for us! In addition to a great day with the kiddos, I managed to sneak away from them for a few hours so Mr. Hand and I could see each other. We hadn’t seen each other since Sunday, and waiting til Tuesday was a long time!

Mr. Hand told me on Monday that there would be a small maintenance spanking to help teach me that I am to submit to him. We had talked about it over the weekend, and I was relieved to see he was following through. I hate inconsistency or confusion in anything; this is no different.

When he arrived, I got into position. I took off my shorts and laid myself over the bed with my pantied bottom up. I hate waiting. Even though I wasn’t nervous this time, it still is hard. Then he came in and shut the door. He doesn’t talk during this entire process, and I really can’t even see him. Sometimes, I catch him out of the corner of my eye, but not much. I can hear him, though.

This time, I hear him undoing his belt. “NOOOOOO!!!!!!’ my head screamed! “Please not the belt?” But I didn’t say anything. This spanking was teaching me to submit to Mr. Hand, who, in the brief, yet, entire time we have done this, has never hurt me. Not only has he never hurt me, but he has been very intentional about making sure he doesn’t.

As he stood silently behind me, I heard him undoing the buckle and then slowly pulling it out of his belt loops. I’m sure he did it slowly so I would have time to think about it. Has he been reading up on how to spank me?! Then he sat with me.

We talked about how I was going to be spanked to teach me to submit. This is the first time it truly sunk in what that meant. My brain finally started comprehending what I signed up for. I finally began to understand what our relationship is. For the first time, I understood who and what this man is to me, and most importantly what he is doing for me and us.

Then, the spanking began. The first couple were the same as the leather paddle from the weekend, but after that, IT HURT! A LOT. Every time his belt made contact with my bottom or sit spot, it stung worse than the time before. He did a good job hitting his mark. He went at a reasonable pace, and judged well when it was time to stop. For the first time ever, I was done at 20. I didn’t need to request more, and I wasn’t over-beaten (he has never had this problem, but I have read about it). Then of course, we hugged and snuggled while we reconnected.

The belt is not nearly as bad as it seems like it would be. Yes, hearing it come out of his belt loops was anxiety provoking. Yes, it stung. It sure did hurt. And my bottom was red. But, I also recovered quickly. Within an hour, all the red was gone and it didn’t really hurt either. This morning, I am a little tender in the couple places he hit when he missed and went too far to the side, but that’s okay. This does not mean in was ineffective and should be given something worse, just that it was a good combination of pain and recovery time.

The nice thing about the belt, is that it can be adapted. 20 spankings was just enough for maintenance, but if I needed a punishment, bumping it up to just 25 or 30, or going bare bottom, would probably do the trick. It’s an effective tool to get the point across quickly and easily.

And so, I’m learning. I am not in charge of everything. I sure wouldn’t have chosen the belt, but it was just what I needed. I put absolute trust in Mr. Hand, and he did exactly what he promised. I am sure it will not be an easy road keeping me in submission, as I have so many great opinions on how things should be 🙂 , but I am getting there, and I know Mr. Hand will keep working with me until I arrive.

I am a very lucky woman, indeed.

A plain old boring day

boring

Today is the first in several that Mr. Hand and I have not seen each other. I miss the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin, even his smell, and the way he handles me. I kept busy, however, by creating, and completing, a list of chores. I did this to hold myself accountable. After Saturday’s spanking for absolute laziness, I did not want Mr. Hand to have to address this issue again. Since he has figured out to spank harder and longer, I did not want to have to experience it again for awhile. It worked! I got all but one thing done. But, more importantly, I worked hard and feel good about it.

Tomorrow will be an opportunity for us to sneak in a small chunk of time together. It will probably be less than two hours, but some time is better than no time. He has already informed me that I will be getting a small maintenance spanking to remind me that I am to submit to him, that he is the head of our relationship, and that he is the man here. Then we will spend the rest of the time just hanging out and enjoying each other. I’m very excited!

Other than completing my list, spending some time with my kiddos, taking a nap, and doing homework, it was a pretty uneventful day. That’s a good thing. I need more days like this. In a couple weeks summer break will be over and I will return to teaching. I’m thinking I will even go to bed early.

Why would any sane, educated, independent, normal woman choose this?

I’d like to think all of the adjectives in that title describe me. I’m very well-educated, very independent, run on the sane and normal, although a bit eccentric, side of things. I seem like your regular everyday person. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, rarely use bad language, dress fairly modestly, stay out of trouble, even my profession is fairly subdued. I’m pretty much boring as can be. So, why would this lifestyle appeal to me?

One word – Control. It’s about handing over control of a small aspect of my life to someone I can trust. Ever since I was a young kid, I’ve been responsible for myself, my mother, then my now ex-husband and children. I am in charge of a hundred people every single day at work. Now that I’m divorced, I am in charge of it all 24/7. I have always been in control of my relationships, whether I wanted it or not. I dreamed of a relationship where I wouldn’t wear the pants while my partner stood there naked, letting me make all the decisions. Might seem like a good deal, but it isn’t. I wanted a partner, someone to pull his weight, and for fear of sounding sexist, I wanted someone to step up and be the man, so that I could step up and be the woman.

Yes, I CAN do everything on my own. I have done it for a very long time. But, it’s exhausting. And lonely. And sometimes a little bit scary. Taken in Hand/Domestic Discipline is about knowing I can trust that someone has got my back, that when I lose control (and it happens), all is not lost. He is there to take over when needed, or to take charge to prevent the loss. It’s about having someone encourage me to be the best I can be, without it just being lip service.

I have given control to Mr. Hand from the very beginning. From day one, he has stepped up and taken on the role I desire. I am trying to tame my strong will a bit so I can be molded into the woman I so desire. He is so careful to “break me in” without breaking me. He understands the importance of making me understand his dominance without letting me lose sight of the strong woman that I am.

So, why do I do this? What’s in it for me? A very secure sense that this relationship is for real, that my man is here to stay, and that no matter what I do, I’ve got someone to provide me with loving, caring guidance, even if it sometimes means a sore bottom.

A day of maintenance spankings

implementsI was not planning to see HoH today, but we got into a text discussion about how we needed to start using implements, due to my high pain threshold and need to be spanked longer than most. Along with his need to use his hands for work, this was not a good combination. HoH said he wanted to research and discuss this together, even though it is ultimately his decision.

I also admitted that I was not yet in the correct mindset of submission. I felt like I “let” him spank me. While this is ultimately true because I consented to this lifestyle, once I did so I put the power in his hands. I was having a hard time remembering that. We talked about how spanking a lot in the beginning was actually more important than we thought, in order to enforce submission from the beginning.

So, over to his house I went. The only implement he had was a paddle we usually use for sex, but we had to use it today. I wasn’t nervous this time. Even though I knew it would be long and hard, I knew he would take care of me.

As always, he had me prepare myself by taking off my shorts and leaning over the bed. He shared with me that he prefers this position because it gives him more leverage. He left me to think for a bit then came in. He lectured me about how I needed to learn who was dominant (him) and who was to be submissive (me), because I requested this lifestyle.

I think he started with his hand, then switched to the paddle. Just as it was starting to sting, he told me the warm up was over and it was time for the real thing. What?! My bottom was already stinging. At some point during the spanking he stopped for a quick break. This is always bad news for me because I lose count of the counting. That is not acceptable to him because it is my job to count and must remain focused. I couldn’t remember so I said 25. Apparently we had been at 30. So, I got the 5 more I thought I was going to get anyway. Oops.

He was going to have me stop at 30, but I was honest with him and admitted I needed more. So, he went harder and longer. Oh my, did that sting. I even reached the point where I had a hard time keeping my bottom still. He stopped at 50. I could have taken more, but oh, I would not have wanted to!

We snuggled and hung out for a bit, then decided to do our research. We decided on some implements that we are both comfortable as possibilities. We decided on a wooden hair brush, wooden paddle, leather paddle, and belt. I’m most scared of the belt! I hope he saves it for only the worst things I could do. Problem is, I won’t find out what those offenses are until I hear the belt coming my way. Oh well, all part of my learned submission. I also changed my mind and agreed that some corner time would be effective. Not so much in itself, but either as I prepare for my discipline or as I take a break in between implements or during long spankings.

After some snuggles and hanging out, it was time for me to go. I requested HoH give me another spanking, since I would not see him for several days. He agreed. I was reluctant, but I wasn’t really feeling anything from the last one, so I thought it would be a good idea.

I didn’t even get any over the panties warm ups. He went right to my bare bottom with the paddle! Ouch! Oh it stung! I had a harder time leaving my bottom still as he slapped harder and harder, sometimes getting both cheeks at once. I made it to 50, without losing count this time (thank goodness!). I’d hate to see what would happen if I accidentally counted too high, like saying 40 instead of 30. Let’s hope I don’t find out. When it was over, I remembered to tell him thank you for spanking me, sir. This is good, because I had forgotten the last couple times, and I suspect that wouldn’t have been tolerated again.

Oh, and we agreed I would address him as Sir during punishments, to further demonstrate my submission to and respect for him.

It’s been about an hour, and for the first time ever, it still stings and hurts. My cheeks are still red, and I think there’s a small welt. He promised me no more going on easy on me. I’m not sure I like that idea, as this really hurt. But I know I need it, so he WILL give it to me.

Spanking=not so fun, discipline and guidance=awesome

On a happy note, we had amazing sex today! Again, because our sex life is amazing! We tried fisting for my first time. Talk about intense! Mr. Hand is the only person I’ve trusted to try such a thing, because he has proven to me time and again that I can trust him. This is why he is absolutely awesome in every way!

Dwelling on the past is also not a good idea

over the couchI have a habit of not being able to let things go. I am very sensitive emotionally, so even when things are over and done with, I still keep replaying them in my head. This habit is self-destructive and I know it. Today, out of nowhere the pain of what my ex-boyfriend did to me several months ago just popped into my head. I couldn’t let it go. I wasted half an hour stuck in that pain. I didn’t learn anything from it, it served no good, just wasted my time and made me feel bad.

So, I ratted myself out. Texted Mr. Hand what had happened. I was supposed to go to his house at 5 to meet for a date night, but he informed me to be there at 4. Oh no, this was going to be a big one, I could tell. I told him I didn’t want him to spank me. Not that it mattered. I admire that no matter what, he does not waiver on his commitment to this. He made a promise to be the head of our relationship, and that is exactly what he does.

When I arrived, we sat and talked for awhile, which only made me more nervous, not knowing when it was coming. I wonder if he knew that, or if he just wanted to spend time with me. Finally, he told me it was time, to go to the bedroom and think about what I had done. I already knew what I had done. I am the one who told him, but I went anyway, because I was told to. I knew he had read yesterday’s entry about spanking harder and longer, and that this offense has been the worst yet (in my opinion), and isn’t one that is going to stop easily, so I was anxious about how much I was going to get.

He finally came in and lectured me about what I had done wrong, then bent me over the bed. Luckily, this time he started with my pants on. It wasn’t long before they had to come off, though. Oh, he hit hard! Right on the sit spot! It stung. He makes me count now to keep my mind from wandering. At some point, I don’t remember now, he decided to spank my bare bottom, but instead of having me take my panties off, he slid them up out of the way, basically giving me a wedgie, so he would have access that way. That was a little humiliating, but all part of the punishment, I suppose.

He stopped at 40. My bottom was red and he was satisfied that I had learned my lesson. I almost forgot to thank him for spanking me. I think next time I forget, I would deserve for him to put me right back into position and spank again for disrespecting him.

Although I turn red easily, my pain threshold is very high. So, even when my bottom looks red, or I even sound like I’m in pain, I probably am not. I am also quick to recover, meaning it doesn’t hurt for long, maybe an hour, if at all. I’m not sure how much harder/longer he will have to spank if he is trying for that effect. I imagine if I earn any other spankings in the next few days, I will find out. Especially for this behavior; it’s harmful for me and us, and needs to stop. I have a feeling I’m going to be spanked a whole lot about this, but that’s okay. If that’s what I need, that is what Mr. Hand will deliver. For that, I admire him.

On another, happier, note. After that was done, we went out for a date. He tried Indian food, yummy! Then we went to watch a movie in the park. It was fun! I’m also glad he is quick to move on from the punishments; no reason to dwell on it all day, right?

Laziness is not a good idea

Yesterday, I had a list of things I made for myself to do. I came home from a month long trip on Tuesday, and still had not unpacked, I had homework to do, phone calls to make, had to go see about a new computer, and needed to do a quick general clean up. The only thing I did was go see about a computer. I should note that Mr. Hand and I do not live together, so this list was my own. I had so many things to do, but I didn’t even bother trying.

I was disappointed in myself, and knew that I deserved a spanking for my laziness. I debated telling Mr. Hand this. It is, after all, my house, my life. But, I also start feeling crappy when my house is a mess. It seems that when my house is a mess, my life is, too. I actually started my list at 9 PM knowing he would be here at 11, after getting back from work, justifying that if I did it then, I wouldn’t have to tell him. I knew that would be dishonest, so I had no choice. I am proud of myself for telling him.

I texted him just as he had gotten out of work so he would have time to think about whether he was going to spank me or not. He responded with 😦 but nothing else. I asked him if he was going to spank me, and he said “yes.” I was actually quite surprised that he answered at all. I am impressed with him for not hesitating. For instantly stepping to be the head of relationship.

I instantly regretted telling him, and started back peddling by telling him I had started doing my work and that I was second guessing the whole spanking thing. This was to be my second spanking. I knew it wouldn’t help, but I did if anyway. Maybe I was testing limits or his commitment a bit, I don’t know.

When he was close to my house, he told me to go get into just a shirt and panties, get in position leaning over the bed, and wait for him. I didn’t look at the clock, but it seemed like forever. I was nervous because I had told him after the last spanking that he could spank harder. Also, even though we had discussed hand only, what if be had changed his mind to using an implement without telling me? All I knew he had was a paddle, which in sex play was quite strong, but mayb he had a brush or something else. I wasn’t sure how much he had read about effective spanking. I don’t think I would be opposed to it, I was just afraid of having no warning.

He entered the room and set his stuff down. He came right to me and starred the lecture. He asked me what I had done wrong, and I answered him. Then he stood behind me. I wasn’t scared, but sure was nervous. Slap! The first one came. Then a couple more. He told me to count as he spanked to keep my attention on the spanking, since my mind tends to wander. He sure did spank harder. And he went for the sit spot, making it hurt that much more. He stopped at 10 this time.

I was grateful he stopped, as I wasn’t far from crying. At the same time, I had just gotten into the punishment mindset. He could have gone longer, using that as the warm up, then moving on to the actual spanking. I cannot believe I am admitting to taking more. I will regret that next time, I’m sure! We are, however, just getting started, so maybe longer might have been too much. I doubt it though.

When he was done, he brought me to his warm embrace and assured me how much he cared. I thanked him for spanking me, which I have committed to doing at the end of each spanking, as a sign of my respect and gratitude for the commitment he made to me. I’m sure being put in a position to hurt me is not enjoyable. I appreciate his dedicaction to being the leader of our relationship, even though I put him in tough positions sometimes.

In summary, discipline spankings are not fun. I feel so blessed to have finally found a man who naturally embraces the relationship I wanted. I am proud to call him mine and me his.

Radical Honesty

In addition to our decision to follow Taken in Hand, we also committed to the policy of radical honesty. In short, radical is exactly what it sounds like. It is an agreement to be honest almost to a fault. It is agreeing to respect each other enough to trust everything about ourselves to our partner. This includes honesty about our past, the present, and our hopes/dreams for the future.

We committed to radical honesty because we want our relationship to be strong, open, honest, and communicative. We want a a relationship based on knowing other at the deepest, most intimate level. Radical honesty is a trust thing from both sides. First, knowing that the other person will always be honest makes us trust each other to not have secrets. Second, it requires a deep level of trust that, even with knowing what would otherwise be secrets, our partner is here to stay. That is huge in healthy relationships. I believe many relationships lack this, which is why they do not last. Relationships based on lies are not relationships at all. It is manipulation and disrespect. We want our relationship to be based on trust, communication, and honesty.