Dwelling on the past is also not a good idea

over the couchI have a habit of not being able to let things go. I am very sensitive emotionally, so even when things are over and done with, I still keep replaying them in my head. This habit is self-destructive and I know it. Today, out of nowhere the pain of what my ex-boyfriend did to me several months ago just popped into my head. I couldn’t let it go. I wasted half an hour stuck in that pain. I didn’t learn anything from it, it served no good, just wasted my time and made me feel bad.

So, I ratted myself out. Texted Mr. Hand what had happened. I was supposed to go to his house at 5 to meet for a date night, but he informed me to be there at 4. Oh no, this was going to be a big one, I could tell. I told him I didn’t want him to spank me. Not that it mattered. I admire that no matter what, he does not waiver on his commitment to this. He made a promise to be the head of our relationship, and that is exactly what he does.

When I arrived, we sat and talked for awhile, which only made me more nervous, not knowing when it was coming. I wonder if he knew that, or if he just wanted to spend time with me. Finally, he told me it was time, to go to the bedroom and think about what I had done. I already knew what I had done. I am the one who told him, but I went anyway, because I was told to. I knew he had read yesterday’s entry about spanking harder and longer, and that this offense has been the worst yet (in my opinion), and isn’t one that is going to stop easily, so I was anxious about how much I was going to get.

He finally came in and lectured me about what I had done wrong, then bent me over the bed. Luckily, this time he started with my pants on. It wasn’t long before they had to come off, though. Oh, he hit hard! Right on the sit spot! It stung. He makes me count now to keep my mind from wandering. At some point, I don’t remember now, he decided to spank my bare bottom, but instead of having me take my panties off, he slid them up out of the way, basically giving me a wedgie, so he would have access that way. That was a little humiliating, but all part of the punishment, I suppose.

He stopped at 40. My bottom was red and he was satisfied that I had learned my lesson. I almost forgot to thank him for spanking me. I think next time I forget, I would deserve for him to put me right back into position and spank again for disrespecting him.

Although I turn red easily, my pain threshold is very high. So, even when my bottom looks red, or I even sound like I’m in pain, I probably am not. I am also quick to recover, meaning it doesn’t hurt for long, maybe an hour, if at all. I’m not sure how much harder/longer he will have to spank if he is trying for that effect. I imagine if I earn any other spankings in the next few days, I will find out. Especially for this behavior; it’s harmful for me and us, and needs to stop. I have a feeling I’m going to be spanked a whole lot about this, but that’s okay. If that’s what I need, that is what Mr. Hand will deliver. For that, I admire him.

On another, happier, note. After that was done, we went out for a date. He tried Indian food, yummy! Then we went to watch a movie in the park. It was fun! I’m also glad he is quick to move on from the punishments; no reason to dwell on it all day, right?

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