My first spanking is coming

I’m going to receive my first discipline spanking this weekend. I was too impatient about knowing how spankings would happen, not demonstrating an adequate level of trust in Mr. Hand. Seems unfair that I would be spanked for wanting to know things, and disappointing that I got myself in trouble so early in our Taken in Hand relationship. However, I appreciate and admire that he is starting from the very beginning by teaching me appropriate and acceptable behavior. I’m proud of myself for not arguing about it and accepting it, even though I am not going to like it.

I have so many questions running through my head that I want to ask him, but I know doing so will result in more severe punishment. I hope he goes easy on me since this is the first one, but I suspect I won’t so he can set the stage for what I can expect in the future.

Part of me is glad to get the first one over with so I don’t have to wonder what it will be like. Remind me of thank when I’m over his knee with my bottom red and exposed lol

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What can I do to stop a spanking

In short, nothing. Once Mr. Hand has decided I need it, that’s it. It’s his choice and decision that I need it. Trying to convince him otherwise will only lead to a worse punishment. Oddly enough, I know this, but will surely fight him on it on occasion. The stubborn side of me rearing its ugly head. I guess that’s why we decided to let him take me in his hand.

I also have no control over what type of spanking position he requires, how long it will last, or how hard he will spank. The only control I have here is to comply and cooperate. Again, I know this, but my stubborn side will surely take over at times, again earning me a worse punishment.

Mr. Hand has committed to my well being. He knows that he must follow through or I will not be able to count on him. He understands I may argue or refuse a spanking or misbehave during his administration of my punishment. But he will not back down. He has promised this to me, and will not break my trust.

Why Spank?

Taken in Hand does not always include spanking. It is a personal decision made by the couple. To me, Taken in Hand is for letting my partner take the lead. I have experienced and heard of so many marriages where both partners try to be equal. It always seems that the partners spend more time battling for top dog than caring for each other. I do not want to live that again.

The thing is, we are still equals. We made an equally consensual decision to base our relationship on this and Radical Honesty. I was neither forced nor persuaded. I freely chose, as did he. We will still make major decisions equally. The purpose of Taken in Hand, for me, is to have someone to defer to when I need guidance. For me, it is part of a godly relationship, which I have never tried before. I am looking forward to it.

So, why include spanking? From my experience with erotic spanking, I have learned that it helps when I am un-focused or un-centered. I would like to incorporate this practice into my non-sexual life so that I do not always have to use sex to get back on track.

Mr. Hand wants to use spanking for the same reasons I do. He wants to be my strong leader, and to take care of me in meaningful ways. He wants the opportunity to be dominant in a relationship without “dominating.” While he and I both know I am able to take care of myself, we desire a relationship where he leads with my best interest in mind.

While I do not look forward to spankings per se, I do look forward to Letting Mr. Hand help me with the things I need. Going over his knee will hurt, as it should. I look forward to feeling the consequences of my unhealthy behaviors on my bottom for a few hours, maybe more, to help guide me away from hurting myself, others, and our relationship. The days of letting others experience the consequences are over. Spanking will keep the consequences on me in the form of a hurting/stinging bottom.

Spanking is our decision as a couple. I’m happy and confident in our choice, as you should be with yours, no matter what you choose.

Setting Expectations for Spanking

Behaviors that will result in spanking:

Not dropping an argument/disagreement/discussion after it has been resolved; learn to let go

Refusing to agree to disagree; forgetting that I don’t always have to be right

Public behavior that is rude and/or embarrassing

Trying to get my way regardless of what works for Mr. Hand; pouting/throwing a fit when I don’t

Throwing a fit for and other random reason

How will spankings be handled:

In most cases, Mr. Hand will give me a warning. After that, he will tell me I need a spanking because I have not listened to his warning. He will clearly tell me what my behavior was. I will go to our spanking place for a bit to think about what I’ve done.

Mr. Hand will come to me and put me over his knee with my pants on. He will give me some warm up spanks while he reminds me why I am having to be spanked. Then I will remove either my pants for a spanking over the panties, or my pants and panties for a bare bottom spanking. I will return to his knee to get ready for my spanking.

I will lay there quietly while he spanks and explains to me again. I may not reach back to soothe my bottom, nor may I talk at that time unless he asks me to. It is okay if I cry or yell out, unless I have been told I may not yell out. I need to hold still while he administers my spanking. If it is to be a long one, he will take a break while I recover a bit, but I still may not touch my bottom. Mr. Hand will not tell me ahead of time how long the spanking will last. I have to put my trust in him to know when I am done.

Spankings will usually be over his knee, but could have me holding on to the bed or the chair with my bottom up. Only his hand will be used. This is how we will differentiate between discipline spankings and erotic spankings.

After the spanking is over, Mr. Hand and I will sit and talk about what happened, what got me the spanking, what I can do differently. He will reassure me that he spanked me because he cares, because he wants me to feel strong and in control.

If I do not comply with Mr. Hand’s decision to spank me:

If I refuse the spanking altogether, Mr. Hand will not force me over his knee. He will patiently wait and talk to me about why this has to happen. I not only agreed to this lifestyle, but requested it. I need help re-focusing and changing harmful/unhealthy behaviors. When we do get to the spanking, there will be additional spanks, due to my refusal to comply. We agreed on this method because we believe forcing me to comply is only giving him power, not helping me learn and grow, and understand.

If I move around too much, try to reach back to my bottom, talk when I’m not supposed to, or display any other misbehavior during the spanking, Mr. Hand will stop and wait for me to comply. Then the spanking will continue. If it becomes a regular problem, we will try using restraints.

Behaviors not witnessed by Mr. Hand

In the interest of following the policy of radical honesty, I will tell Mr. Hand when I have behaved in ways that require spanking. I cannot give him the opportunity to be the man I want if I do not tell him.

Any other reason to spank:

There are times when I feel out of control, or bad, or anxious. I can request a spanking during these times. When I do, I will have more control in this situation, like telling him when I feel I am done. However, as time goes on, I will hand more of that control over to him, as he will learn to sense my body language, and when I have “let go” of whatever was upsetting me.

Erotic Spanking:

While many people believe spanking should not be erotic, we do not want to abandon that. We do understand the importance of separating the two, however. To help with this, we will leave toys and implements only for erotic spanking. Also, creating a discipline spanking place will help us differentiate the point of the spanking. Also, erotic spanking will be included with other sexual activity. Discipline spanking will be purely spanking and talking. No sexual contact allowed. The only part of my body exposed will be my bottom, and Mr. Hand will be fully clothed.

General Rules

This is a fully consensual agreement. Either of us can end it at any time. Mr. Hand is to remain calm and composed at all times. No spanking while anger. Spankings are only to happen due to my behavior or at my request; never because Mr. Hand just wants to. We will keep this lifestyle private. At some point we will attempt to make friends in the Taken in Hand lifestyle, but that may take time.

So, there it is. The guidelines. I’m sure there are more that I have forgotten. I am sure it will change over time. But we needed a place to start. As we grow and bond together, we will re-assess and adjust. We consider this all part of the learning and growing together process.

How we came to be

Around this same time last year (July 2012), Mr. Hand and I met on an online dating site. We talked for a couple days, then ended up going out for a quick lunch date. We hit it off and decided to go out again a few days later. At that time, everything clicked. Our personalities complemented each other, he was what I was looking for, and we were sexually compatible. He had the more dominant personality I sought, but was not pushy or rude.

Unfortunately, he decided a few days later that he wasn’t interested, because I said something that gave him the impression I was going to start asking him for money or to support me. I told him he had misinterpreted what I had said, but he was basing his decision on his prior experience with relationships. I was disappointed, but understood his concern. I went on with my life, still thinking about him every so often.

A short time ago, after breaking up with a boyfriend, I went back on that same dating site, and came upon his profile. I did not click on it intentionally. I had been careful to avoid his profile so that he wouldn’t think I was stalking him, even though I was interested. I took a quick look and moved on. A few minutes later, I had a message from him. I was shocked, but pleased 🙂 We started messaging again. I suspected he wanted to ask me out, so I asked myself. He said yes, YAY! We haven’t been on our date, yet, because I am out of town, but it will happen soon. I am so excited!

In the meantime, we have been texting. We talked about how I really liked his sexual dominance. Then I got brave and mentioned Taken in Hand for our relationship. I have reached a point in my life where I want a partner who can take charge when needed, while not letting me lose sight of who I am. I am very strong willed, and have a history of taking advantage of that in relationships, even though it is unintentional. I do not want another relationship like that, so I specifically sought someone who would be able to, at a minimum, hold his own in the relationship. I found that man in Mr. Hand.

We have spent the last few days researching and discussing our Taken in Hand relationship. We’ve talked about expectations, rules, what behaviors will result in spankings, how to handle when I do not comply, the reasoning behind using TIH, and other details. We know there is so much more to discuss, and it will be an ongoing discussion, but we are both committed to making this happen.

I am looking forward to having a man who has enough confidence in himself to take the lead, to guide me when I needed it, and to help me redirect my energy and focus as I need it. He is looking forward to having a relationship where he able to step up and take the lead like he feels he can do. We both know there’s so much more to learn, but we are committed, excited, and ready to use Taken in Hand to help us grow as a couple and individually.

Background

This is a very young relationship, but we are ready to make it happen! I am so thankful I was brave enough to bring up from the very beginning how I wanted a partner who would take charge, who would not let me walk all over him, and who would help me be and become the woman I want. I have researched the ideas of domestic discipline, but that never fit with what I wanted. It seems to restrictive and controlling to me. I knew I did not want a relationship like that; basically, I wanted to pick and choose.

Somehow, by Google magic, I ended up finding the Taken in Hand website at http://www.takeninhand.com. Reading posts from others in this type of relationship was eye-opening. From the very beginning I could relate to so much of what was said. What I had been trying to say was made so much more clear to me. I immediately went to Mr. Hand with this information, and asked him what he thought. He excitedly agreed! I couldn’t believe it! What are the chances of finding a man who is as excited about this as I am, doesn’t need any convincing, and didn’t run for the hills when I mentioned it?! Lucky me!

So, here we are. Mr. Hand and I decided to create these blogs (he has one also, it can be found at http://growingtogetherwithher.wordpress.com)  to share our journey with ourselves, each other, and others who are looking for a way to connect or understand this lifestyle. I am confident we both understand it. I am confident our understanding will change over time, as well. It’s all part of the journey of growing together.

Mrs. Behave

Just Getting Started

It probably seems strange to be reading this blog at this point, seeing as we haven’t even officially started our journey through Taken in Hand, but I wanted to get started so we can see this from the very beginning. It is important to note that even our relationship is new. While we have agreed we are exclusive, I am not able to comfortably put any other label on it right now. I just know that we want this to become a very strong and healthy relationship. Taken in Hand is going to help us make that happen.

At this point, we have taken the first step of communicating clearly, openly, and honestly, about what it is we want in this relationship and what we expect TIH to accomplish with us. We have laid ground rules for the relationship overall. We have both done our research. We are ready to get this started!